Did You Tell Her
by Ulysses1
Summary: This is my take of what may have happened if Ray had told Neela how he feels before she got married. It draws from the I Do storyline but is my alternate view based on the question Ray asked of his paient that was in love with his best friend's girl.Hey a
1. Chapter 1

Title: Did You Tell Her Chapter 1 of 3

Author: Ulysses1  
Rating: First chap- FRT. Future-FRMM  
Disclaimer: Don't own em, wish I owned Ray.  
Spoilers:  
Content Warning: This is the first chapter on my take of what may have happened if Ray had told Neela how he feels before she got married. It draws from the "I Do" storyline but is my alternate scenes/ending based on the question Ray asked of the guy that was in love with his best friend's girl. Did you tell her? I thought for sure they were going to show us a scene of Ray telling Neela how he felt. The first chapter is tame but I will progress to a little more "earthy" as I like to call it in the next chapter. Otherwise some language that shouldn't be too offensive and potential typos that I will apologize profusely for if you find them. I write fic for Nathan and Haley from OTH over at the Rivercourt under the name needmorenaleynow so I hope I don't screw up your Ray and Neela experience. I of course would love to hear what you think so I know if I should continue.

Ray fitfully tossed and turned, as he lay on the couch in the ER break-room. The blanket someone had covered him with was twisted between his legs and the small pillow that had been underneath his head had hit the floor at some point. His head was pounding and his neck was stiff as hell. This blew. He was a half hour from starting his second shift and he had probably slept for less than fifteen minutes. What was happening to him? Mr. Nonchalant, able to blow off issues with a waive of a hand, a tumble in the sack or a swig of a beer (or more)? Now his mind was whipped, totally in overdrive and it was making him insane. 

He reflected on when it had all started happening and he groaned at the realization. It didn't take him long; he had known from the minute he had arrived. It all started when Michael Gallant had come back to town. The dude was a nice enough guy. A bit like dry toast in his opinion, or better yet, non-alcoholic beer. Flat, non-alcoholic beer. The fact was, when it got right down to it, everyone at county appeared to love Gallant, regardless. A hell of a lot more than him; that was for sure. But that wasn't it. That didn't even phase him. He was used to being the odd man out. He strove for that. It was so much easier to remain on the outside, to be considered not quite right in the head; edgy, reckless, devil may care, superficial. People didn't tend to try to get to know you that way. They label you an asshole and move on. They stay away from jumping into your mind and trying to figure you out. Well, most people that is. Every once in a while there were a few exceptions. And some of those exceptions were like a whole other life force. Like Neela Ragostra. The vision of her coursed through his mind for the billionth time that day. He cursed as he sat up abruptly and placed his throbbing head in his hands, raking his fingers through his hair. When the hell had this gotten complicated?

As if on queue, she drifted through the door and came up to stand in front of him.

"Jesus Ray, you look like hell and you have twelve more hours to go."

Ray raised his head from the palms of his hands, holding his breath at the vision of her, her arms folded across her chest, her eyebrow arched in question. Thank God she was back in scrubs and not in that black dress she had had on the other day. He was positive he would have had instantaneous early morning wood if she stood before him in that. He smirked and spoke sarcastically, "Gee thanks Roomie, I had forgotten all about that second shift till you just brought it up. You know how I love sleeping on this couch…"

"You do Ray." Neela hated the veiled contempt in her voice but she realized it was the only way she could handle dealing with her feelings right now. She had to constantly remind him and her that he was a pain, a royal one. Selfish, egotistical… She hated that she was drawn to him anyway. She was not shallow. She didn't go for sexy. She liked intellect, compassion, humility…"

"I do what Neela?" He looked at her expectantly, wondering where she had wandered just then. Did she know that he had slept here for the past couple nights just so he didn't have to be around her and Michael?

Neela jolted. "Um, uh, you like sleeping on that couch Ray. We always catch you grabbing forty winks after your all night pissers or random shags with some bim… " She cut herself off. She knew better than to ramble when she was feeling this way but she knew he hadn't been home in the past few nights and it bothered her. She refused to let herself think that she missed him. "Anyway, you were sleeping like a baby when I came in earlier and put the blan…" She stopped abruptly at the look of shock on his face followed by a slow spreading grin, the kind that caused her insides to tremble.

"Did you cover me up?" he asked softly.

Neela felt her face flush and went into autopilot. "Right Ray, that is what I do, take time out of my busy schedule just to make sure you are all warm and cozy… I just came in here to tell you that we have an attempted murder/suicide out there now and it is a bloody mess. I thought you could examine the shooter. He is acting crazy." She tried to walk casually to the door but she felt as if she fled.

He held his hands up in mock defense. "Ok, easy, easy…I'll be there in a minute. He stood and stretched his body languorously, causing his shirt to rise and reveal the soft patch of hair around his belly button.

Neela swallowed hard. "Good. And don't fanny about, it is going to be a hell of a day and Michael and I have somewhere to go." She wondered what his reaction would be when he found out what that something was. He'd probably rejoice that he could now have his band mates and jail bait come over the apartment without any more grief.

The door swung closed behind her and Ray leaned up against the sink staring at himself in the mirror. His hair was on end more than usual and the rings under his eyes were dark and deep, clearly indicating sleep depravation. He shook his head at his reflection. "You are screwed dude. It can only get worse." Little did he know.

Ray left the exam room somewhat shaken after examining the young teen that had shot both himself and his girlfriend because her family was moving her away and he didn't want to be separated from her. Further proof that love was sick and desperate. He despised desperate. The only thing it was good for was messing you up. Granted, the kid had taken it to the definite extreme but…it had been his experience that it never ended well. That is why he always ended it before it had a chance to really start, except for now. In this particular case, he couldn't stop the steam train that was rolling over him. He had a serious case for a girl that barely tolerated his existence. If that wasn't fucked up, he didn't know what was. She basically deplored his behavior on a whole and yet, when she granted him the pleasure of her company, he had the most fun that he had probably ever had in his life just in doing nothing. That combined managed to intrigue him all that much more. It wasn't about her body or how good she was in the sack. Not that he knew what she was like in the sack but he certainly didn't hear Gallant complaining through the thin walls of their apartment. All those nights Neela had beat on his wall; he had no idea. However, one night of hearing her and Gallant painted the picture crystal clear. Hey truth be told, normally he probably would have gotten turned on but knowing that it was Neela and that Gallant was touching the curves of her body, knowing her intimately, bringing her pleasure… it flipped him out and he had spent as little time I the apartment as possible. Hell, he had even volunteered for double shifts. He hated double shifts. Ray was so absorbed in his thoughts, he barely felt the hand on his arm until he was face to face with Morris, Jerry and Frank. 

He shook off Morris' hand. "Dude, what the hell?" 

Morris looked at the other men and grinned. "Want to pick straws on who gets to tell him?"

"Tell him what, that two people are basically throwing their lives away only to be utterly and completely bored and despise each other a few years down the road?" Frank said bitterly.

"Not a lot of love, eh Frank?" Morris deadpanned.

"You should know," Frank countered.

"Hey marriage is a sacred union. It's a thing of beauty that all of mankind should be lucky enough to experience," Morris, Frank and Ray all looked at Jerry in surprise.

Ray smirked, always a great mask for the feelings that tormented him inside. "Get hit by another bolt of lightening lately Jerry?"

"Hey, you joke but we all fall one day."

"Not me," Ray returned, making sure he stayed true to his personna. 

Morris watched him calculatingly. "Then you won't mind the news too much."

Ray cocked an eyebrow, his heart tightening. Morris scared him sometimes with the shit that came out of his mouth. Not because it was stupid, which it normally was, but because sometimes the guy could unknowingly hit a mark. "About what?" he laughed.

"About the Paki and the mild mannered black man getting hitched," Frank added.

Ray pursed his lips at the news, his eyes opening wide as he looked back at the men facing him, trying to gage his reaction. He felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. Neela hadn't said a thing. "WOW." He felt like he almost barked out the word and covered himself. "Way to be politically correct Frank. For the record, she is Punjab and would kick your ass if you called her a Paki to her face. It's kind of an insult in England."

"Well she ain't in England and besides she is way up there on cloud nine to care what the hell I say." Frank turned at the sound of a trauma flowing through the door. "Damn, gotta go."

Ray turned back to Morris. "Me too I guess." He ignored the narrowing of Morris' eyes and quickly made his way to the stretcher. "What do we got?" As the paramedic listed the symptoms of the elderly woman that laid in front of him, Ray barely felt the slap on his back from Morris and the words mumbled in his ear. "It ain't over till it's over man." He refused to turn around and give himself away.

Neela was speaking to DuBenko regarding her tour in the surgical unit when she saw Ray bearing down on her, a strange look in his eye. He was heading straight for her and she panicked. He had heard and she was filled with guilt. She should have told him, he was her roommate. And her friend. The latter had puzzled her when she first realized it. It was Ray "it's all about me" Barnett. How had he become her friend actually? It had just happened gradually. He was a person that she always spoke her mind to, never fearing the consequences or leary that he would look at her as a lesser human being when she made a mistake. Ray Barnett had faults and he accepted faults in others. That is what she loved, scratch that, liked about Ray. She squelched any deeper feelings she had and grabbed DuBenko's arm. "I am sorry Doctor but I just realized that I had told a patient that I would visit them before they went in for a procedure. Can I talk to you later?"

DuBenko looked at Neela puzzled by her erratic behavior. She was rarely, if ever rude to the senior doctors but then he realized that it was probably the excitement buzzing around the ER about her pending marriage. He had sensed that she was a bundle of nerves and he couldn't help but ponder over her solemn attitude towards it all. It was supposed to be exciting. "Sure, sure Dr. just meet me…" He stopped as he realized that Neela had completely disappeared. He started when he felt Ray's hand grasp his arm with urgency. "Dr. Dubenko, did you see where Neela went? The younger doctor sounded desperate. An interesting emotion coming from Ray Barnett. Unexpected. "Ah, she just ran towards that elevator over there. Look Dr. Barnett, I…" Debunko shook his head. Once again, he was talking to noone.

"NEELA!" Ray ran towards the elevator doors as they were just beginning to close. He peered at her face as she looked at him with a myriad of emotions and punched the open door button. He stepped towards the elevator attempting to get on. "Look Neela, I just want to…" The door continued to close. She had not pushed the stop button. She was avoiding him. He stopped in his tracks. He heard her call out as the door closed completely. "I'm sorry Ray, I just can't talk to you now. A patient needs me."

He shut down the voice that screamed out in his head. "What about me, I need you…"  
He needed a drink and it was only ten am.

Neela sighed with relief as she scrubbed in for surgery. She had managed to avoid Ray all day, which had not been an easy task since he seemed to be really intent on finding her. She couldn't deal with his questions. So she was getting married. He would find another roommate that could cough up the five hundred bucks a month. She'd make sure she helped him. Hell, she was even doing a good job of running away from Michael. He was like a steamroller with the wedding plans and he was scaring her a bit. The day was a bloody hell of a mess and she was floundering. She was not an overly sentimental girl but she couldn't help feel slightly buggered that he was doing all the planning and coming to her after the fact. Overall, it was endearing that he was taking such a lead, showing her just how much he wanted to marry her, but she still felt the pressure. She hated pressure. So why not go try and repair someone's liver for the first time? Piece of cake in comparison to matters of the heart, she thought wryly.

Dubenko stood at the sink next to Neela, scrubbing the blood off of his gloves. "Well, that was interesting."

Neela stared at the blood as it rinsed down the sink, wondering if she could follow it and escape. She spoke absentmindedly. "What that I didn't act like a total wanker and botch the whole surgery?"

Dubenko laughed. He enjoyed her straight forwardness. "Well, considering that your boyfriend, er fiancé, proposed to you a second time while you were elbow deep in the cavity of a body and wants you to get married in less than four hours from now… yes, I guess that is what I am referring to." He smiled broadly as Neela looked over him, her eyes a pool of uncertainty.

"It's bloody crazy, isn't it? I must be out of my mind!"

"It's love Dr. Ragostra, you are allowed."

"That may be but it is all happening so fast. I didn't even get to tell my roommate what was happening and I feel horrible."

"Well, I am sure that your roommate will understand Dr. She probably won't be anything but happy for you."

"Um, oh, I thought you knew. It's no matter really but Dr. Barnett is my roommate. Ray Barnett?"

"Oh." Dubenko's eyes didn't portray his feelings. Suddenly this morning's events completed the puzzle he had been trying to figure out all day. "Well, I am sure Dr. Barnett will be just as happy for you," he said falsely, completely doubting his own words. He knew the look on Barnett's face now was none other than unrequited love. Or was it? Something nagged at him, making him think that Ray was not alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Ray felt his frustration building. Every time he came close to catching up with Neela, she eluded him. He should have known that her years of playing football in England would make her quite proficient at dodging and weaving. And he also should have known that it would be emotionally, as well as, physically. He knew she could be cagey but what the hell was going on? He just wanted to talk to her; see how she was. It is not like he could talk her out of it. He knew Neela. She was one stubborn woman, not to mention, she was in love with the piece of toast and he… he was just her annoying roommate that grated on her very last nerve. He shook his head at the irony. She probably thought he wanted to talk to her about when she was moving out and how he would be stuck with the rent. He stood absentmindedly at the coffee machine, oblivious to the hot liquid coming dangerously close to the top of the cup. The sting of steaming liquid cascading over his fingers blasted him out of his reverie and he dropped the cup to the ground, coffee splattering across the floor and all over the bottom of his pants and shoes.

"God dammit! Son of a bitch…" Ray's hands spread out to his sides and smacked back down to his thighs in exasperation. He looked around for a wall to punch, which surprised him. He was a good time guy party guy, not a violent one.

The break room door burst open and Weaver flew in the room, ice in her glare. "What the heck is going on here Ray? You do realize you are in a hospital right and not a bar room?

He gulped. Weaver's glance could freeze a bonfire.

"Kerry," The look grew colder. "I mean Dr.Weaver, I am sorry alright. I burned my hand and then I dropped the coffee all over the floor." His hand swept in front of him indicating the mess.

Kerry shook her head in disgust. "Well then Ray, call housekeeping and have them come clean it up. I need you out in Exam Room four, we have a guy that let his chain saw get away from him and it is lodged in his leg."

Ray winced. And he was bitchin about a burn. He made his way to the phone and punched in the number for housekeeping. "I'll be right there Kerry. Dr.Weaver!" he yelled, as Kerry went out the door, holding it open momentarily for Dubenko to enter.

Dubenko smiled good naturedly at the cold countenance of the Chief of Staff. She was a formidable woman. His glance then strayed to Ray, who was pacing back and forth on the phone, shaking his hand in the air.

"Dr. Barnett, are you ok?"

Ray grimaced and semi shook his head, extending his hand to the mess before him.

"I guess not," Dubenko said, speaking to himself more than to Ray who was advising the housekeeping staff about the spill. He pulled several paper towels from the dispenser over the sink and placed them on the floor to soak up the liquid and walked over to Ray as he hung up the phone.

Ray looked at the surgeon, perplexed by his proximity. The man was standing directly in front of him, looking at him strangely. Granted, it was Dubenko, but it still was strange.  
He scratched the back of his head. "Look man, is there something I can help you with?"

Dubenko gave him an assessing look. "I was thinking the same thing, Dr. Is there something on your mind you would like to talk about?"

Rays eyebrows rose quizzically. "Um no. I don't think so." He gestured for the door. "I really have to go help Dr. Weaver in Exam 4."

Dubenko looked at the floor, lost in thought. "Oh yes, the chainsaw patient. I am sure that I will be seeing him in the OR. Too bad Dr. Ragostra won't be able to assist me again. She did great this afternoon by the way."

Once again, Ray looked at the senior doctor. Why was he telling him this? Regardless of the question in his mind, he could not help but feel proud of Neela. He made his way towards the door. "Wow, hey that is great." His hand felt the escape of the knob.

"All things considered that is. She did great."

Ray looked back, "…all things considered? Is she ok?" Damn, he went for the worm.

Dubenko hid his smile. "Yes, it was a little hectic, distracting, with the proposal and all…"

Ray found himself getting more exasperated. Didn't the guy know this was old news? He opened the door and stepped out while speaking. "Well, she's had some time to process that now so…"

Dubenko spoke quickly as the door started to swing shut. "…if you call Dr. Gallant asking her to get married today time to process…" He jumped when the door immediately swung back in, propelled by the slap of Ray's hand.

"WhaTTTT?"

"I am sorry Dr. I know you are running late but I thought you knew... Dr.Ragostra and Dr. Gallant are getting married today. This afternoon." He watched as a myriad of emotions ran through the younger man's face. He really was quite transparent with his expressions if one took the time to observe. He looked keenly at Ray as he started to laugh sardonically and shake his head.

"Great! Thanks Dr. If you see her again, give her my regards." He needed to get the hell out of here.

Dubenko stepped out in the hallway with Ray and placed his hand lightly on his shoulder, immediately feeling the tension that lay underneath. "I will but I am pretty sure she was looking for you. She said something about feeling pretty bad about not telling her roommate."

Ray looked sharply at Dubenko and snorted. "Right. I gotta go." He strode off towards exam room 4 which was distinctly marked by a seething Kerry standing outside with her hand on her hip.

"Ray!" she seethed. She stepped back slightly at the look on his face; a hint of a lost puppy masked by a mix of both chagrin and anger, and closed her mouth. They would discuss it later.

Neela looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her mother would just shit if she could see her now. She was dressed in the white sari she had given her several years ago when her parents had dared to broach the subject of an arranged marriage and Neela had exploded. She laughed out loud, quite similarly to how she had responded that day. Her mother had been so mad at her refusal to an arranged marriage; she had sent her this sari the very next day, believing that her eldest daughter would die an old maid and could wear this at her funeral. She reflected on her conversation with Michael earlier that day, which further exemplified the differences in their backgrounds. He didn't seem to mind that in her culture you wore white sari's to funerals and wore red at weddings. His logic was that she would be honoring the American tradition of wearing white, while still wearing a sari in honor of her ancestry. After much debate, she had conceded. She supposed that would be the first of many compromises she would make as a married woman.

"Bloody hell, what are you doing Ragostra?" she whispered. She looked around the empty room hoping no one had intruded on her prep session. She purposefully had used the OR dressing room to get away from the prying eyes and constant questions from her fellow ER peers. If Morris had looked at her and mouthed "What the hell" while making a universal crazy sign around his ear one more time, she was going to put a scalpel between his beady little eyes.

She fingered the delicate material of her sari. She had to admit it was beautiful but she still questioned the decision to wear it today. It felt like a betrayal. Granted, she was not exactly 100 in line with the traditions of her Punjabi heritage so the sari color she would ultimately get over but…getting married without her parents consent or presence? Her stomach hurt just thinking about it, yet the rebellious streak in her had still agreed to go through with it. They would no doubt blow a fuse when she told them. The key being "when" she told them. She blew out a long breath. Well, it was now or never wasn't it? She had a little less than a half hour to get to the lounge after what could be described as the longest, most surreal day in her life. And it wasn't even over! After Michael had proposed that they get married today and she had crazily said yes, she had scrambled to get everything in line and had had no time to think of anything else; her actions, her family, what she would think tomorrow, Ray… She had never found Ray and she stopped and stared blindly at herself. God she was a coward. Neela shook her head resolutely, stuffed her scrubs and personal belongings in her bag and made her way out of the locker room. 

Ray and Haleh wheeled the chainsaw patient down the hallway towards the OR elevator. He didn't even feel Haleh watching him pensively as he looked down at the tubes and oxygen connected to the patient, lost in thought. Sure, his fuckin heart was splitting in two but he had not nearly lost his life the first day on the job like this dude. He had to count his blessings. Like the man, no kid, on the stretcher before him, he would survive somehow. He was a Barnett wasn't he? Resilient above all else? Him first, others second? He would get past this… the same way he always did. Booze, women and tunes… They hadn't failed him before…He laughed remorsefully. Who the hell was he kidding? He was as fuckin lonely as the next guy. Or he had been… until Neela. She had found a way in where no one else had tread and now she was leaving him. His loneliness would be even worse now. He had had a taste of something he hadn't had before. A connection. He smiled wryly. He didn't "connect" with women. He boffed the hell out of them and walked away. It had to be a sign that he had not been able to find her. She deserved to be happy. Hell, he had pulled so much shit as her roommate, he was surprised she had not bailed sooner. There was definitely a reason they had not crossed paths any more today. He sensed that somehow he would have made a fool of himself. This way was better. The next time he would see her alone, she would be a married woman and she would be safe. He would be safe.

He looked up at the piercing eyes of Haleh upon him.

"WHAT?" he said tersely.

"I ain't sayin nothin!" she responded indignantly. "Nothing that the rest of the ER ain't thinkin," she muttered under her breath, shaking her head at the stupidity of the young and their inability to see what was right in front of them.

Neela sighed impatiently. These bloody hospital elevators! She should put together a case on how long she had to wait for the service elevators, which were supposed to be that much faster than the standard elevators. She pressed the lit button again for the tenth time, realizing that it was futile. She looked down at her attire and at the stairway to the right of her. Bother! This was ridiculous. She made her way through the stairway door and looked up at the freshly washed stairs in front of her, oblivious to the chime out in the hallway indicating that the elevator had finally arrived. 

The elevator door opened and Ray stopped short at the distinct smell of perfume that wafted into the elevator as he began to wheel the patient out, causing Haleh to curse at him. "DR! You just pushed the stretcher back over my foot. Move!"

Ray winced. Haleh could be just as commandeering as Dr.Weaver sometimes. "I'm sorry, I just um…" He looked at the glaring nurse behind him and closed his mouth. "Ok, ok, I am going." He moved forward and breathed deeply to bring the aroma further into his senses. Like that was necessary. He would be eighty and still remember her smell. He pushed the gurney forward with a jolt, further aggravating Haleh.  
"Did you get your drivers license at Sears?"

"K-Mart," Ray answered dryly.

"Hmmmpf." Haleh glared once again and thumped the chart on the OR counter announcing their arrival and distracting the clerk from ogling Ray, of which she could not help noticing, he was oblivious to. "We need a sign off on the transfer of Jeff Garbriele for Dr. Dubenko. Dr. Barnett will wait for it." 

Ray turned around abruptly. "What? Hey!" His mouth dropped slightly as Haleh smiled facetiously at him and left the OR. There was no such thing as rank when it came to an ER nurse who had probably been at the hospital longer than he was alive.

Neela gingerly made her way up the wet stairs, carefully holding her sari clenched in her hands so that the bottom did not get ruined. She prayed that the material would not wrinkle too badly from being wadded up in her fists. As she hit the first landing, she hitched her bag on her shoulder and felt that sense of alarm one has when they realize something does not feel right and they are missing an article or belonging. She let out a stream of expletives. Wedding Days were pure rubbish. She had been in such a hurry to get out of the locker room; she had grabbed her overnight bag and not her purse. She turned around in a huff and made her way back down the stairs.

Ray was absorbed in thought as he stepped on the elevator. It felt like he had waited forever for the signature to sign off his patient and even longer than that for the damn elevator. He leaned his back against the wall and smiled slightly as he remembered one of Neela's late night rants about the reliability of the elevators reserved for transferring patients versus hospital visitors etc. Bemused, he watched the doors close before him and jumped when he heard a shout from the hallway. His reflexes quick, Ray punched the open door button just in time. He could swear his heart stopped as the person who was just in his thoughts launched herself into the elevator without looking up.

"God, thank you so much, this has been such a blighter of a da …" Neela's mouth felt dry as she finally picked her head up and saw the figure before her. "Ray?" She cursed her traitorous voice for coming out in a whisper.

Ray stared back at her, his own eyes big. She looked beautiful. She literally took his breath away. He cursed the luck of Michael Gallant while cursing his own inability to speak. Here she was, he had been looking to talk to her all day and now what?

Neela recovered her equilibrium and folded her arms across her chest. What was his problem? This dress didn't even flaunt her chest so why was he staring? "Have you got an eyeful now Ray?" She dared not believe he found her attractive.

Ray coughed, covering his school boy moment. "Who me?" His trademark grin returned as he looked at her appraisingly. "Sure, I um, I was just wondering Neela, why you are wearing your funeral attire your Mom sent you?" He silently congratulated himself on his quick comeback and blasted himself for not just being truthful. Her look immediately showed her irritation with him.

Neela cursed the powers of tequila and it's ability to loosen lips. She must have told Ray her full life story over the course of the past few months because of it.

"I'm getting married today you wanker. I'm in America, might as well go with the flow, as you always like to say." She sighed, why did she always go on the attack?

Ray cocked his head and looked at her thoughtfully, the words tumbling from his lips. "Why now?"

Neela swallowed the boulder in her throat. She had wondered if he would ask that question. She should have known he would inquire, just like Abby did. They were similar. Abby approached love with her head and Ray approached it with his penis; neither of them trusting their hearts. "Because," she answered lamely. Perhaps she didn't think at all?

Ray snorted, trying to hide his hurt. "Because? What kind of answer is that Ragostra?"

"It's an answer that doesn't take a lot of time Ray. Something I don't have that much of right now." She looked impatiently at her watch and once again cursed the elevator. Bloody hunk of metal. She pushed the floor number again for good measure and looked away. His gaze could be so penetrating. She sensed him stepping forward and she felt her hands get clammy.

Ray positioned himself behind Neela and reached around and hit the elevator stop button. His words caressed her ear. "I have wanted to talk to you."

Neela's ears rang and her hand whipped out and pushed the button to put the elevator in motion again. "Stop it Ray."

Again he leaned over her shoulder and pushed the button, speaking more urgently. "Neela?" The contact of his chest against her back triggered the pulse in her neck. What the hell was her problem? Her elbow came back as if on a hinge and struck him in the stomach. She heard the distinct sound of his grunt, similar to the day he had his ass kicked by Zoe's father. She had achieved her goal though, he was no longer touching her.

"What the hell is with this hospital? I get my ass kicked all the time!" Ray exclaimed as he held his stomach and stepped in front of her, blocking her from the panel of buttons. He reached behind him while staring directly at her and pushed the Stop button with finality.

"You bring it on yourself Ray." She glared at him as the elevator came to an abrupt stop.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe so. But this isn't about me. It is about you." His voice softened. "Whatsup Neela? Talk to me?"

She rolled her eyes. "About what? I am getting married. I am sorry I didn't tell you about it myself but I promise I will find you a roommate."

Ray shook his head in disbelief, snorting. "I don't care about that! I care about you NEELA." He stopped, what exactly did that reveal? His hand reached out and touched her wrist, his body involuntarily needing contact. "Are you sure about this? It just seems so sudden Neela. I mean do you even know this guy that well?"

Neela stepped back needing distance. God it was blazing in here. "Why do you do that Ray, stand so close? Don't you know about personal space?" It was her turn to snort. "What do mean, know him? Like you know the countless faceless women you traipse through our apartment?"

Ignoring her, Ray stepped forward towards her once again. He challenged. "I don't marry them Neela."

Neela felt her temper flare. "Well I know Michael and what I don't, I will learn about. That is all part of marriage."

"It's also part of dating. Why do you have to get married? I mean are you sure he is the right guy for you?"

Neela looked back at the earnest face of the man in front of her, her mouth dropping open. "God, what happened, did you have a pow wow with Abby this morning? Who is the right guy for me? Morris? Frank? You Ray? " She laughed out loud, cutting Ray to the core, confirming so much. "Michael and I have a lot in common. We have similar views, temperaments…"

Ray laughed out loud, throwing caution to the wind. He had nothing to lose. She didn't feel what he did. "You are kidding right? Neela, you have more fire in your pinky than that dude has in his entire body!" A switch went off in Ray's brain and words spewed from his mouth. Have you ever been dancing with him into the morning? Seen him drunk? Poured your soul out to him? What the hell kind of movies does he even like? What is his favorite food? Can he talk you off a ledge after you made one of the biggest mistakes in your life or career? Do you know if he gets fuckin butterflies in his stomach like some chick whenever you are near him? Can't even think about another woman even though he tries like hell to do so? Ray clamped his mouth shut as Neela's head whipped up to look at him; his last example not quite fitting the scenario.

Her voice trembled. "Rrray?"

Ray's hand slapped against the wall and he turned his body away from her, his other hand dragging through his hair. He blew out his breath and turned back to her, taking in her dark brown eyes, two sizes bigger than before, her mouth opened slightly in shock. He grinned. "Well…" he said matter off factly. "That went a little farther than I planned."

"Ray, I…"

"Look, don't say anything Neela. I know you want someone dependable, loyal, stalwart… It's just hard."

She felt small. Her brain could not digest what was taking place at this very moment. "What is hard Ray?" She surprised herself by reaching out and taking his hand in hers, the doctor in her immediately noticing the burn marks on it. She gently rubbed her fingers over the redness. "What's hard?"

Ray reluctantly pulled his hand away and coughed to cover the uncomfortableness of the situation. He had never been here before. He stared directly into her eyes and spoke the words that haunted him. "Losing you."

Neela's breath caught as he once again turned from her and punched the button, this time requesting the elevator to continue its journey. What was happening here? Had he meant what she thought he did? This was insanity but she couldn't let it end this way. She stepped forward and punched the red button vehemently so the elevator once again buzzed and jolted to a stop.

She looked at him beseechingly, studying him for confirmation. She got it. His eyes were soft, filled with an emotion that scared her beyond all belief. "Ray."

Ray winced shrugging his shoulders to ward off the blow that was yet to come. "Look Neela, can we just forget…"

"No." she said with finality. "We cannot."

He exuded his boyish charm as he said disarmingly, followed by a nervous laugh, "I was afraid of that."

"Listen Ray."

"Dear John," he interjected.

"Stop it." She paused. "I thought you were the biggest wanker I had ever met in my life when I first met you."

Ray thought derisively, note to self, you are an ass for opening up this can of crap. "Well thanks Neela."

She shot him a look. "And then as I got to know you more, I realized you are loyal empathetic, passionate… There are so many things about you Ray." She shook her head in bewilderment as she processed everything. His emotions, hers… "I mean I knew you were different than what you wanted us to believe, especially after that night you convinced Abby to open the ER and stayed all night to help your friends after the balconies collapsed, refusing to leave until you were sure they were alright or when you sat at that baby's bedside because you didn't want him to be alone. I mean, you get pizza's with my favorite toppings, watch things I like on tv…." She stopped herself. Her emotions threatened to take over. Her voice came out more vehement than she had planned. "I hate that there is more to you then meets the eye Ray!"

He looked at her puzzled, intrigued by her respect, which he had always hoped would be there underneath along with something else. Was there anything else there?

She continued. Her voice stricken. "It makes it so hard to…"

The tables had turned. "So hard to what Neela?" Ray took a step forward, his heart beating frantically. 

"Hard to tell you…." Her eyes stared into his. She willed herself not to let the tears fall that she felt threatening. She pushed the words out. "That it can never be Ray." She cringed slightly at the flicker of pain that crossed his face. Her next words were rushed. "You and I are from two completely different worlds!"

"Hey, Opposites attract Neela."

"And then they repel Ray. I mean God, look at me. I am a boring, couch potato frump…" She ignored his look of shock and adamant denial. "I am DR JUMBOMART and you, you are, well YOU. Charming, charismatic, a man whore! You would tire of me just like the rest of your harem."

"Neela, I would never tire of you, trust me. You are the only person in my life that keeps me completely entertained." He stopped as he moved towards her; the look on her face completely deterring him from going any further.

"Neela?" It sounded like a plea.

She looked away. "We can't Ray. I can't. Michael…"

Ray bit his lip in frustration and disappointment. "Do you love him Neela?"

She stopped. "He is a good man Ray. I do."

His head bobbed up and down. This was it. "That's cool Neela. I don't steal from others. His hand reached out for the button and he withdrew it. "Can I tell you one more thing?"

Neela wasn't sure she could hear it but he continued on. Her heart stopped as his hands came up to cradle her face, his eyes glistening slightly. She felt her body tremble as his thumbs caressed her cheeks. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do this Neela."

Neela felt fear. Not fear of Ray harming her but fear of the force, otherwise known as Ray. Her eyes grew larger as his face loomed over hers and he placed his lips gently on top of hers. A whisper, a kiss so gentle, she wanted to sob. She felt her body automatically drawn towards his as she moved her own lips closer to deepen the kiss. He captured her bottom lip in his and pulled on it slowly, moving sensuously to her top lip and repeating the gesture, his hands never leaving her face. She heard her own murmur of bliss and felt a tear slide down her cheek. Ray brushed it away with his thumb and brought his head back only to return one more time to place a soft cherishing kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes. She could not look at him.

She could feel his whisper across her face. "You are beautiful Neela. Inside and out and I consider myself one of the luckiest guys around for having you in my life." His voice got softer. "I love you Roomie." Neela instantly felt the cold as his hands left her face and her body nearly fell forward, her knees week. She slowly opened her eyes and saw that the elevator doors were sliding open and Ray was stepping out. He thumped the side of the elevator door with the palm of his hand and waved, refusing to look back at her and not allowing her the opportunity to respond.

UP NEXT: A Wedding? cough cough Stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

_She could feel his whisper across her face. "You are beautiful Neela. Inside and out and I consider myself one of the luckiest guys around for having you in my life." His voice got softer. "I love you Roomie." Neela instantly felt the cold as his hands left her face and her body nearly fell forward, her knees week. She slowly opened her eyes and saw that the elevator doors were sliding open and Ray was stepping out. He thumped the side of the elevator door with the palm of his hand and waved, refusing to look back at her and not allowing her the opportunity to respond._

Neela fell against the elevator wall. "I told you not to call me that," she said to the dead air, swallowing the lump in her throat and straightening her shoulders. She willed herself to shake off the traitorous feelings she felt for Ray. Traitorous and short-lived, a.k.a, - a crush, nothing more. A pure case of wanting something you cannot have, lusting after the elusive "bad boy". The elevator stopped on her floor and she walked off, her head held high, her body trembling inside.

Ray strolled reluctantly into the lounge and immediately made his way to the bar. He was going to need a lot of liquid fortitude to make it through the ceremony. He raised the cold bottle to his lips with anticipation and choked on his first sip as someone thumped him roughly on his back. His temper flared and he looked agitatedly at Morris, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Morris man!"

Morris shirked away from the scowl on Ray's face. "Oh hey sorry Ray," he replied half heartedly. He proceeded to wrinkle his nose. "Do you smell coffee?"

Ray looked down at his coffee splattered pants. "What? NO."

"Huh, thought I smelled it when I walked up." Morris leaned forward on the bar and ordered his drink while Ray flipped him the bird behind his back, causing a burst of female laughter behind him.

Chuni gave Ray a conspiratorial wink and stepped up in between him and Morris. "So Morris, I hear the drinks are on you, you lost the pool." Chuni looked around and sniffed. "Do you smell coffee?" She and Morris burst out laughing as Ray sneered at them both.

"What pool and how come I wasn't cut in?"

Morris looked at Chuni warningly. "Um well."

"WHAT?" Ray said heatedly.

Morris clapped him on the shoulder. "It was about you Sid. Whether or not you would come to the ceremony or find a way to get out of it…": his voice trailed off as the a thunderous look appeared on Ray's face. He held his arms up in defense. "All in good fun man!"

Ray shook his head at his co-workers and gulped back the remnants of his beer, smacking the empty bottle down upon the bar. "Guess I need another beer then, Archie," he goaded. "In fact, double me up."

"Perhaps he won't be here after all," Chuni said dryly, exchanging a knowing glance with Morris as Frank approached them, calling out his order for a glass of Cabernet. The three looked at him quizzically. Frank and a fine red wine did not equate.

"Hey, he said defensively, "you are in the medical profession. It's a proven fact that a glass of red wine can make you healthier." He raised his eyebrow at Ray who held a beer in each hand. "You got that Doc? Hey, does it smell like coff…"

"ALRIGHT!" Ray exclaimed. He shot each of them a dirty sneer. "I am going to change my pants. I thought I wouldn't have time." He once again raised his beer to his lips, draining the bottle and reached forward to attempt to guzzle his third.

"You better get going Ray, if you want to make it back in time," Chuni warned.

Ray stared blankly at Chuni, his mind contemplating the temptation of not returning as his co-workers had wagered on. He looked quizzically at Morris as he drew him aside, whispering loudly in his ear, causing Chuni and Frank to both turn their heads to hide their smirks. "You sure you want to come back man? What if you blurt out an objection to the nuptials?" Ray pulled his head back, his expression telling Morris exactly what he could do with his thoughts. He turned on his heel and nodded to Chuni and Frank and headed for the door.

Morris cleared his throat and called out, "We'll save you a seat man! Front Row!"

Neela stepped into the lounge, her wide brown eyes surveying the room and its inhabitants as they all turned to immediately gaze at her. She barely registered who was even there, but immediately knew that someone was missing. She blinked at the tears that misted her eyes and immediately focused her attention on the stage in front of her. Jerry stood prominently in his minister robes and Neela felt an insane urge to burst out laughing. This was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. At that moment, Michael stepped out from the shadows and smiled beamingly at her. He was so sure and confident that they were doing the right thing. Neela smiled hesitantly back. He was a good man; a solid, hardworking man that loved her. He would make a wonderful husband and a fantastic father. She could do this. It was going to be ok. She took a step forward and zoned completely until she reached the stage and Michael held out his hand for her to step up next to him.

Ray rummaged through his locker and looked agitatedly at his watch. Maybe he missed it. He had taken his time getting back to the ER, opting for walking versus a taxi. There was nothing in his locker to change into. He sighed and made his way over to the scrub cupboard and hastily threw on a pair of scrub pants and threw his coffee stained pants in his locker. His eyes lingered over the name on the locker next to him as he wondered if she would change the lettering to the name of Gallant. The thought of it turned his insides and he smacked his hand against the locker. Suck it up man. You were living in a dream world thinking she would consider you. Who would choose Goofus, when they could have Gallant? He reluctantly made his way out of the locker room back towards the lounge reflecting on his hatred for Highlights magazine, even as a kid. He smiled ruefully; except for the Timbertones of course. He had fantasized about a family like that. Fruity as they were.

Neela felt her palms sweating as Michael held her hands in his. He had just professed his vows and was looking at her expectantly as Jerry began her portion. She squeezed his hand and opened her mouth to repeat what Jerry had just said, only to be interrupted by the lounge door swinging open with a flourish. The congregation, including Michael and Neela, turned to look at the intruder. Neela froze when she saw the apologetic face of her roommate, his eyes veiled as he looked at her intensely. She bit her lip when she saw him turn away from her and back up into the shadows, hiding any further expressions. She cleared her throat and looked back at Michael, who smiled encouragingly, while a trace of fear and hesitancy flitted across his face. He rubbed her hand soothingly when Jerry spoke, indicating that she should repeat what he said. She felt frozen in time, unable to move or speak. This was the moment of truth. Why was she standing in front of one man on the verge of reciting her vows of loyalty and love when her mind would not allow her to escape the image and intensity of what she felt for the lone figure in the back of the room?

Michael sensed her hesitation. "Neela?" He looked at her expectantly and Neela looked back wide eyed. She felt her lip tremble and saw Michael's concern and the question in Jerry's eyes. She turned towards the congregation and could barely register the look of concern on Abby's face, as well as, Weaver's. Her heart stopped at Dubenko's raised eyebrow and the imperceptible shake of his head. His look penetrated the fog and she blinked at him as he once again shook his head a fraction. Had everyone else noticed it or maybe she was imagining it? The air felt close, she fought off the ever growing sense of claustrophobia.

Ray felt his palms sweating. This was it. She was moving forward. He couldn't begrudge her… her happiness. She was staying true to what she believed was right for her and deep down, he knew it too. He was not the kind of guy that could hold on to a woman like Neela. She might feel something intense for him but he knew only too well how feelings could sway so quickly and that it would probably only be a matter of time before her feelings turned to hatred. He watched as Neela surveyed the crowd and paused when she looked at Dubenko and back at Michael. He couldn't do this. He couldn't witness the finality of her leaving his life. He had let himself stray into an unknown world and now he knew why he had avoided it at all costs. It hurt. He had put his heart on the line and put himself out there. It hurt like hell. He stepped backwards silently and slipped out the door unnoticed as the congregation focused on Neela.

Neela cleared her throat… her voice came out soft, barely a whisper. "Michael I…"

She saw the hopeful look on Michael's face instantly turn to one of dread and disappointment.

"Neela," Michael's voice came out pleading. "It will be…"

She shook her head vehemently, closing herself off to any words of persuasion, or for that matter, forgiveness and understanding. She didn't want to hear him tell her it was ok to not go through with it. It would be one more example of what an upstanding individual he was. What was wrong with her that she could consider pushing him away? She was a horrible, horrible person and she knew that Michael would overlook that even when he should hate her forever. She had to be bloody insane. Michael Gallant was a catch. Everyone said so. So why was she standing here reliving a few heart palpitating moments on a service elevator along with the past several months of her life since she had roomed with Ray? She had felt a spark deep down in her belly from the moment she had met him that had made her feel more alive than she had in years. She was a sodding fool. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. She was throwing away THIS for the hint of a God knows WHAT, that was guaranteed to be doomed from the start, if there even WAS a start. Ray Barnett, king of the rock star set and Neela Rasgotra, queen of the sensible pumps and white cotton underwear? He would laugh her out of the bedroom.

Neela's eyes flew open wide at the thought. She was in the middle of her wedding vows, imagining herself together in a bedroom with Ray. She chastised herself. Who is the wanker now, Rasgotra? A sob emitted from her throat and her hand flew to her mouth. "I ca… I can't do this…" Her voice rose in pitch as Michael hung his head at her words. She dared not look into the congregation. She couldn't bear the look in everyone's eyes. Abby might feel bad but she was sure to have a hint of "I told you so" and Pratt? She didn't dare look to see his disapproval. And Ray? What of Ray? What was he thinking? Or more importantly, WHERE was he? She questioned the feeling she had, yet again, that he was no longer even in the room. Large crocodile tears flowed down her face, leaving a slight trail in her make up. Her voice came out hoarse, "I just can't…" She watched Michael bite his lips together as he stared at her intently. Before she knew it, she felt her feet slap against the hard, unforgiving sidewalk outside of the bar.

"NEELA! NEELA! Please… just wait." Neela heard Michael's plea and froze, her heart ramming into her chest. She stayed facing forward, afraid to see the look on his face, his footsteps getting closer and closer. She held her breath as he grabbed her arm and turned her around gently. "Talk to me Neela, I know this was all so fast for you. I was rushing you."

Her head fell forward; she didn't want to look at him. "Michael…" She allowed his hand under her chin to guide her head up so he could look into her eyes. His sharp intake of breath indicated that he was able to read the chagrin, guilt and helplessness that he saw there.

"It's not that, is it?"

Neela's lips trembled as her body shook as she tried to tame the wild emotions. "I am so very sorry Michael, I…" She looked away from him and up at the sky and to her side, searching for more words.

Gallant smiled sadly. "You don't ever want to marry me."

"I," she began.

"You've moved on. I have been away too long. Too much."

She shook her head. "I don't know, I love you Michael, I do, but just…"

"Not enough." He paused and looked at her intently. "I knew we were different since I returned. I could tell that there was something off from how it used to be and hell, I don't know." He scratched the back of his head, searching for what was missing. "Maybe I proposed to see if it would come back. That we just needed time all alone to be like we used to be."

"I've changed."

Michael looked at her thoughtfully. "Yeah, you do Tequila Shooters and listen to hard ro…. He stepped back and his eyes widened. "Oh my God Neela, it's Barnett!"

Neela looked at him in shock and reached out her hand to draw him back "NO!" she refuted adamantly. YES!" Her hand dropped and she turned herself around in a circle, looking for the answer. "I DON'T BLOODY KNOW! And for the record, I have ALWAYS listened to rock music!" She glared at the people in the street that turned around to stare. "BUGGER OFF!"

Gallant spoke softly. "Neela, you are making a scene." He smiled apologetically to the people that still lingered, watching them as if they were a live soap opera.

"That's it," she said with defeat. "I want more."

"More what Neela?"

"More, More, more passion, more of the unknown, everything is so mellow and, and, and I want something… You tell me we are making a scene after I just left you at the altar. After I just admit to you that I don't know if I have a thing for Ray and… YOU, should be making a scene Michael! YOU should want MORE!"

"I want to be happy Neela. Settled."

Neela sighed. "We all want to be happy Michael. Are you really happy with me?" She heard the frustration in her own voice. Did he want to marry her because it was the right thing to do? He is happiest when he does the right thing. "I know you are happiest when you are curing the sick, fighting for our country… but really, are you happy with me?" Abby's words filtered through her mind and she spoke them. "Do you really even know me?"

It was Michael's turn to hesitate. "I think I am. I think I do."

Ok, then. She was in a mad rush. "What is my number one craving when I have my period?"

"What? Neela," Michael grinned self consciously, surprised by her question. "I don't know?"

"Spaghetti sauce with anchovies."

She continued…"My favorite program on the telly?"

Michael looked puzzled. "Um, Jeopardy?"

"No Michael, that is yours. I just watch it with you."

"Look Neela, I can lear…"

She cut him off, forcing herself to remain strong. "My guilty pleasure?"

As she asked, the image of Ray coming home early from work and catching her reading a heaving bosom novel flashed in her mind and she suppressed a smile. He had come home early and surprised her so that she had guiltily hid the book under her bottom. Before she had even fully registered that he was there, he had whipped the book out from under her and let out a loud peal of laughter. He had been merciless in his teasing of her and she had chased him around the apartment to retrieve the book he held out of her reach, while he read passages in a false breathless voice. She had slapped him in the stomach and had almost been able to reach the book but he surprised her by turning the tables and cornering her, pinning her up against the wall with his body and reading her a long, sultry passage in a more serious tone that made the pulse in her neck jump and her cheeks flame. He had cleared his own throat and moved off of her, handing her the book and making a sarcastic remark. He had said something funny then but she couldn't remember what it was…but she remembered the laughing. They had been giddy.

"Neela?" Michael inquired. He had been speaking to her but she was oblivious.

Neela jumped. "I, uh sorry. I was lost in thought."

"And I have lost you." He said with finality.

She didn't respond, her silence providing him with her answer.

Michael nodded and shuffled his feet for a moment. "Be happy Neela. Be true to yourself." He turned and walked away, his head held high, always the soldier.

"Good Bye Michael," she whispered. She watched him go, her eyes filling with tears as she cursed herself and Ray Barnett.

Ray sat at the bar at Ike's, staring at his full beer, which was now bordering on room temperature. Earlier, he had been ready to hammer down mass quantities to dull the edge, but since he had come into Ike's after leaving the wedding, he had just sat and stared at the glass, thinking about her, torturing himself like some love sick puppy. His best friend, his roomie, the only girl that had the power to make him feel "love" was now Mrs. Michael Gallant, which meant she was "his" nothing. He sighed in frustration and ignored the blonde across the bar that was desperately trying to get his attention. It was time to get out of here, she was moving towards him and he wanted no part of it. He could go to Brett's and jam to a really loud and obnoxious rock song till the neighbors banged on the walls. That always made him feel better. He stood resolutely and chugged the tepid beer, threw a five dollar bill on the bar with a nod and strode towards the door. As he wrenched open the door, he could not help feeling like a nimrod for even suggesting that she and Michael use his apartment for their honeymoon night. He was a glutton for punishment. Ray made his way down the street towards Brett's and changed his mind. It wouldn't kill him to take a quick walk to the bar where the wedding took place. There was no way Gallant was still partying with the ER diehards. If he had any clue, he was back at the love shack with Neela.

"RAAaaaaaayyyyy!" Morris yelled in a very inebriated state. "Duuuuuude, where have you been man, you missed it.' He sloppily put his arm around his friend.

Ray shrugged his shoulders in attempt to loosen Morris' hold and also to appear nonchalant as he accepted the beer Chuni handed him. "I got lost. I'll congratulate them tomorrow."

"Congratulate?" Morris said shrilly. He looked at the others and laughed, nodding his head back at Ray obnoxiously. "Pickin up the pieces is more like it."

Ray shook his head and screwed up his face, slapping Morris with his most fierce "what the F-ck" look" he possessed. He lied through his teeth. "I don't need to pick up any pieces man."

Morris snickered. Even wasted, he showed some moronic insight. "Sid, I am not talking about you. You are already in pieces. I am talking about that poor slob over there."

Ray followed his stare and his gaze fell upon a sloppy, slouching Michael Gallant, who was sitting across from Pratt. Neela was nowhere in sight.

"What the hell is going on?" He looked from Chuni to Frank and back at Morris who was studying him intently.

He sighed at Morris. "Cut it out, what the heck is up?"

"Runaway Bride dude!"

"WHATTT?"

Chuni spoke. "Neela, she couldn't go through with it. We don't know what happened exactly, except for the fact that Gallant came back in alone and proceeded to do mass quantities of shots."

Ray's stomach dropped, flip-flopped, rolled … She didn't marry him. He was speechless, his jaw slack. This was a mess. His thoughts went immediately to Neela but he could not help but feel for Gallant. He felt a hard thump on his back from Morris. "I know man, who knew Gallant could get trashed."

"What? You are a headcase Morris. Look at the poor guy, he is miserable. Where the heck is Neela? Did you even try to get her to change her mind?"

The conversation stopped and his co-workers turned to him incredulously.

Morris rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and circled his finger around his ear. "Who is the headcase now?"

Ray growled and unthinkingly made his way over to Gallant. He was halfway to the table and didn't even see Pratt until he was directly in front of him. He spoke in a fervent whisper. "Are you freakin insane man? Leave the dude alone." Ray pushed forward and Pratt planted his large hand in the middle of his chest.. "Dude, I ain't kidding you on this one. Don't rub salt in the wound."

"Pratt, what the hell are you talking about? I just want to talk to the guy, see how Neela is."

Pratt leaned in and spoke emphatically in his ear. "You are the last person that needs to ask how Neela is."

"Pratt man, I didn't do a thing. I don't have anything to do with this."

Pratt laughed. "You white boys can be seriously stupid."

"Hey."

Pratt poked him in the chest. "Hey nothin Ray, leave it alone."

"No man, I was just going to say, hey he is…" At that moment Gallant walked up to Ray and Pratt and held out his hand. "right here."

On alert, Pratt positioned himself between them, unsure of what would take place.

"Move out of the way Greg." Gallant said solemnly and held his hand out to Ray.

Ray looked at him questioningly. What the hell was going on here? He extended his own hand and Gallant shook it.

"Take care of her. Make her happy."

Ray swallowed the lump in his throat. This was crazy, he had never expected the night to end like this. "Look dude, Michael, I…"

Gallant cut him off as Pratt stood to the side, shaking his head in complete wonder. "You can't help who you are drawn to. She can't help it. I shouldn't have left her alone for so long. I should have stayed and got under her skin more." He dropped his hand from Ray's grasp and pointed at Ray, his stance wavering ever so slightly. "Take care of her. If you don't, then I WILL be back to kick your ass. With my squad. You won't get up." He turned on his heel, walked past Morris, Chuni and Frank, mock saluted and was gone.

Ray felt like crap, while his mind raced. Had Neela called off the wedding because of him? He and Pratt stared at the door that Gallant had just exited from and turned to each other, speaking at the same time. "She's insane."

Neela sat slumped on the couch, still dressed in her wedding/funeral attire and reached forward to the six pack for her fourth beer. She stared balefully at the clock on the VCR. It was two am on what was to be her wedding night and she was sitting in the dark, alone, getting pissed. _Your mum was right Rasgotra, you will be an old maid. The first time you think with your heart and you muck it up royally. Ray was probably out getting some and Michael was somewhere, anywhere, stoically nursing his wounds, while everyone else is slamming you for being a total fool._

Ray placed his ear to the door and listened for signs of life in the apartment. Hearing none, he inserted the key and turned the knob quietly. He had opted to not stay at Bret's, as was the original plan, since his place was crawling with groupies intent on making the moves on him even though he was no longer in the band and he knew he would never sleep if he did not go check on Neela. He had stayed away as long as he could, assuming that Neela needed time alone and that he might be the last person she would want to see at the moment. He rued the fact that Neela leaving Gallant at the altar may not work out the best for him in the long run, if it was even destined to work out at all. She was a complicated woman and her guilt over the situation could make his relationship with her more than a bit dicey.

As he stepped into the apartment, he let his eyes adjust to the darkness. He figured Neela must be sleeping. Knowing her tendency to be a light sleeper, he quietly made his way across the living room to his bedroom.

"I've ruined everything."

Ray jumped and turned towards the couch. "Geez Neela!"

"YOU'VE ruined everything." Her voice sounded forlorn and perplexed, rather than harshly accusing, yet Ray still felt like a total ass. However, if she felt that he ruined everything, there could be the chance that she did leave Michael at the altar because of him. He felt a glimmer of hope buried within his remorse that she was miserable. He stepped towards her, noticing the littered beer bottles on the coffee table. "Neela. I…"

"Why did you have to kiss me? Why did you have to tell me you loved me?" Again she sounded perplexed as if she was asking herself versus him.

Ray sat beside her and cringed when she shifted away from him slightly. "I don't really know why Neela," he said softly. "I didn't plan it. I didn't know what to do with it," he trailed off. "I just wanted you to know."

"Well now I know." She said matter-of-factly. She didn't add that she was petrified. She couldn't be what he wanted.

Ray frowned as he nodded his head up and down, assessing the situation. It wasn't good, glimmer of hope fading. He cleared his throat. This had been an emotionally charged day and he didn't want it to self destruct any further. "Right. Um, I guess I will just go to bed then." He rose and moved towards his room, stopping only briefly to add. "I am sorry Neela." He didn't wait for a response.

Neela turned as if in slow motion. She willed herself to answer Ray but found she was speechless. She was exhausted, emotionally drained and she needed her bed. Stat. She stood up, wobbled slightly and made her way to her room. She stared at her reflection in the mirror as she removed her jewelry and stuck her tongue out at herself. Ray hadn't ruined everything, it was really her. Her fingers fumbled with her sari trying to find the end piece of the fabric that would allow her to unwrap it. She wanted it off and she wanted it off now. It had been a jinx to wear funeral attire to her wedding. She never wanted to see the dress again. It represented one of her most embarrassing moments. Her hands patted around her waist trying to find a point of where she could start. Alcohol, nerves, and the late hour ganged up on her, making it difficult, therefore causing her to cry out in frustration. "RAY!" Neela's eyes grew wide. She hadn't meant to yell that! She frantically went towards her door, which she had forgot to close, hoping he had not heard her and would not knock if it was closed. Too late. As she picked up her head, he stood before her in his standard sleeping attire. Boxers and socks. She loved that about Ray. The fact that he wore socks to bed, somehow it added a whole new dimension to him.

Ray stood at Neela's doorway, puzzled. His hair was slightly disheveled from the repeated thread of his fingers through it as he sat in his room pondering whether he should have expressed his feelings to her earlier in the day. "Neela?" he spoke softly. "Whatsup?"

"Nothing, never mind. I didn't mean to call you." She spoke in a rush as her hands still grabbed at her waist.

"Are you sure?" His tone was worried. His eyes immediately went to her abdomen. "Are you feeling alright?"

"No! I mean yes, I feel fine but no I am not alright! All I want to do is go to sleep Ray and forget about this STUPID day and I can't… I can't get this bloody sari off!" She sat on her bed and put her head in her hands. "ARRGGH!" She didn't need to look up to know that he had crossed the room. She felt the warmth of his presence in front of her and the gentle touch of his hand on hers, pulling her up.

"Stand up Neela."

Neela stood and trembled slightly at the feeling of his breath on her face.

"So um, where do I start?" He pulled at the diaphanous fabric at her shoulder, playfully. "Is this thing booby trapped?"

She looked up to find him smirking at her and resisted the strong urge she had to kiss that smirk. "Shut up, Ray." He taunted her with the smirk everyday and everyday she fought the traitor within her that wanted to feel those lips upon hers. Neela shook her head, clearing the heavy cobwebs that had apparently formed there. "Um, uh, the pallu comes off first… She held her breath as he once again touched the fabric at her shoulder and it loosened from where it was tucked in at her waist. She spoke to cover her nerves that started to twitch and to make sure Ray could not hear the pounding of her heart. "Haleh helped me get dressed but I am not sure how she did the pleats, she might have even pinned it for all I know because I can't seem to…" Neela giggled slightly as Ray's hands rested on her waist. However, as his hands slid around her, looking for the starting or end point, she squelched the gasp that threatened to escape her lips. Those hands, Ray's hands. She had not anticipated her body's instant reaction. "Oh God, please don't let me do anything stupid."

Ray held his breath. She felt warm and her perfume wafted up to his nostrils. His hands were around his roomie's waist. How many times had he dreamed of this moment as he lay with some random girl? His fingers itched to travel elsewhere but instead, he plucked at a pleat and it came lose. "Alright, now we are getting some where!"

He smirked the word "Sorry" when Neela cut him the evil eye and proceeded about his task. His hands pulled at the silky fabric until all the pleats were loosened and several yards of material were bunched in his hands. He had to talk to himself the whole way through, willing his body to not react to the sensuality of the fabric and the heat emanating from her skin. He looked at her expectantly. "Uh, now what?" He averted his gaze from the smooth plane of her midriff. He needed out of here before he completely unwrapped her and threw her on the bed.

"Um, I can take over now. Thanks." she said quietly. He handed her the material and she made to unwrap it behind her back and stumbled. Ray immediately reached out and caught her arm.

"Bullocks!" she hissed. She was making herself look like a stumbling drunk. A tear slipped from her eye and she hung her head.

"Hey Roomie, it's ok. I mean come on, how many times have you had to pick me up off the floor? Ok, well, so you left me there since I wouldn't budge…but you always covered me with a blanket." He continued quickly as more tears trickled down her cheeks. "You're exhausted. Where's your pajamas? Do you have a big shirt or something?"

Neela lifted a listless arm and pointed towards the middle drawer of her dresser. Still holding on to her, Ray opened the drawer with his free hand and rummaged for a pair of pajamas. He pulled out a white lacy negligee, complete with the tags. Hell no. He threw it back in the drawer and pulled out a pair of flannels and a shirt.

Neela looked at the sweats longingly. "Can you unwrap the rest?" She should be embarrassed but she was too tired.

"Sure." Ray unwrapped the rest of the sari until she stood before him in a small tight blouse that ended just below her bust and what looked to be a half slip. His breath caught. Her hair had fallen out of her bun and several wisps framed her face. He couldn't help staring at her. "You are beautiful." He whispered.

Neela laughed a bit hysterically. "I'm not." Her fears and feelings got the best of her. "I am frumpy Ray. Boring. Bland."

He couldn't believe his ears. Ray's eyes roamed over her caressingly. "Not even close."

The look in his eyes thrilled her and frightened her. "I am not your type. You like them wild… LOUD."

Ray's eyes grew large. What was she saying? He knew he shouldn't tease her but that rarely stopped him before. He took a step forward. "So, what are you saying?" Another step… "You don't scream?" Without thinking, he traced his finger across her bottom lip, wanting to capture it between his own.

Neela slapped his hand away feeling a strong current sweep through her. "No, I, I don't even know if I like se…" She stopped abruptly. Why was she telling him this?

Ray moved closer undeterred. He was close enough for his chest to graze against her breasts and Neela was shocked by the instant hardening. Ray knew he shouldn't take advantage of the situation but he needed to touch her, feel her lips on his. His hands encircled her face and he leaned down and whispered in her ear. "So you are saying, you think you are frigid? Because I don't believe it." His lips crushed down on hers as she nodded her head in agreement and Neela felt the passion that he had for her, even more intensely than the kiss in the elevator. She slumped into him, her body felt like liquid and she surprised herself by returning his kiss with a fervor she didn't think she possessed. It was HER tongue that slid into his mouth. HER hands that wound around his neck. HER fingers that intertwined in his hair, pulling him closer to her. She wanted more and she felt like she couldn't get enough.

Ray reveled in the sensation of Neela writhing in his arms. The kiss was explosive and rocked him. His hand was poised directly below the swell of her breast and he was painfully aware of the hardness between his legs and the bed behind hers but he checked himself. Not tonight. She was kissing him but he still did not know what her feelings were. He needed her in his life and he wasn't going to let the potential for a one night stand ruin that, he could wait it out to see how she felt. He needed to play this one right. Begrudgingly, he pulled his lips away slightly, his forehead still tightly connected with hers, his breathing slightly ragged. Neela pulled him back in, placing her lips against his. "Ray," she pleaded.

"Neela," he whispered. "Not tonight." He cringed when she went to pull away from him.

"See, I told you…"

He held her tight. "Neela, you couldn't be farther from wrong. I'm dying here. But here's the thing. I want you. All of you. A lot has happened today, tonight. It's been rough one on both of us and "if" it happens… I want you there- Mind, body and soul."

"Ray Barnett doesn't just want someone's body?"

He placed a light kiss on her lips. "I don't want just your body Neela." His tone was serious. She stayed silent. It frightened her. Ray really did care for her deeply, yet she still felt the fear of what revealing her feelings towards him would mean.

Ray sensed her hesitancy. "Besides, you are going to need all three to survive me," he added teasingly." He dropped his hands and she immediately felt the loss. She reached out for the clothes that he handed to her. "I'll um, turn down your bed." He gestured towards her bed and turned to give her privacy.

Neela smiled. He really could be quite the gentleman. Neela removed her slip and blouse and slipped into her pajamas and padded over to the bed where he was standing holding the covers out for her. Her hand involuntarily slid across his abdomen as she climbed in the bed, causing Ray to lift his eyebrows and his eyes to darken. He grinned as he leaned over her and tucked her in. His lips touched upon hers softly as he spoke conspiratorially against them, "So not frigid." His lips lingered a few seconds more and he moved away from her.

Neela watched him walk to the door and flick off the light. "Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Ray turned back towards her. "I didn't want you to regret it."

Neela turned on her side and burrowed her hands and face into her pillow and shook her head sleepily. "No, not that. Thank you for taking a chance on me today. Putting yourself out there and telling me how you felt."

Ray shook his head sheepishly.

"Because once I get over hurting Michael, I'll be able to tell you that I love you too."

Ray felt his heart thump and he cleared his throat. "Any idea of when that will be?"

Neela smiled in the darkness. Half telling someone you loved them in the dark was not that hard. "Real soon." She heard his footsteps and melted into his lips as the claimed hers one more time.

Ray once again stopped them and placed one last kiss on her forehead. "I'll be here. Good night roomie."

I know this took me incredibly long to post and I apologize. I haven't decided if I will do a 4th chapter yet since technically I could end this here but we will see. As for the disrobing of the sari. After I looked at pictures of Neela on the wedding day, I am not even sure if she was wearing the type of sari I attempted to describe so I hope you forgive my creative license


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